Intimacy and Your Health
So, you may be asking yourself what exactly is intimacy? Who says that individuals with health conditions cannot find an intimate partner? According to Dictionary.com intimacy is defined as a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group. I describe intimacy as the act of loving and caring for your partner.
Intimacy by itself can be difficult but adding health conditions on top of it brings up new challenges. Not all rare or chronic conditions (whether physical or mental) are the same so therefore should not be treated as such. For example, I live with a rare disease called Spina Bifida which results in me having to use a wheelchair and other mobility equipment to get around. My disability does not define my personality even though I appear to be “different.” If you ask my girlfriend, she would say I am kind, helpful, and have a great sense of humor (since I am in a wheelchair, I am called a sit down comedian instead of a stand up comedian). A disability should not define a person. Love is love no matter what form it presents itself, and one should not be defined by a health condition, but for who he or she is as a person.
My girlfriend and I are in a unique (but not impossible) dating situation. We both deal with “challenges” in our lives. I am fully bound to a wheelchair while my girlfriend has been diagnosed with ADHD and Autism. This has not made our relationship easy because our set of needs are different. For example, when my girlfriend and I go on dates, often she will see someone that she knows and start talking to them. In my mind I feel like she is ignoring me. This is frustrating and I feel like I am being treated as though I am “invisible” because of my health condition. However, I have realized that she does this because of her condition, and I need to remind myself not to take it personal. These might seem like little things to some people, but it takes away from the intimate moments that her and I have with one another.
It is important to cherish the intimate moments and establish healthy boundaries early on in a relationship. It has helped me become a better person and grow within my relationship with my girlfriend. Setting these boundaries allows my girlfriend and I to be clear about what we both like and do not like while also communicating when a boundary might get crossed. But what I also learned is how I need to set boundaries for myself first. This includes self-reflecting and reminding myself of the values that mean the most to me. I have realized how important this is prior to setting boundaries in a romantic relationship.
The last thing I have learned is the importance of being patient while dealing with a health condition. There are certain times where my girlfriend doesn’t understand what I need the first time I ask for it, and I need to remember to repeat what I just said rather than her giving up on helping me out. I know she is doing the best she can to support me while also trying to support herself. Just like in many relationships, it is important to understand and be there for your partner (for the good and bad times). I have learned that it doesn’t matter if I have a rare disease or live a different lifestyle than many people. If I communicate honestly and openly with my girlfriend, then we can make our relationship more intimate.
Dating is not easy, especially when you live with a rare disease that causes you to be in a wheelchair. Remember that dating someone with a rare disease doesn’t have to be much different than someone without one. Try to find someone who sees you beyond the disease and can be patient with the challenges you might face with your health condition. You never know, that person might end up being the right fit for you.
Owen Linville is a 25-year-old young man born with a condition called Spina Bifida. His disability requires him to use a wheelchair. He enjoys being out in his community and going on dates with his girlfriend. He is currently going to community college where he is studying early childhood education. One day Owen hopes to be an assistant teacher or teacher. Owen constantly reminds himself that he is not alone in his struggle.